Monday, April 30, 2012

FABULIS FLAMBOYINCE FALALA #1


David Guetta - It's The Way You Love Me (Feat. Kelly Rowland)

zach wahls on piers morgan

Zach Wahls is suddenly on every talk show it seems and he has written a book - wow. He is certainly one of the most articulate young men out there thanks to lesbian parenting ;) - he has surely used his youtube fame to make the most of it.  Piers Morgan interviews Zach:

rachel maddow pays tribute to ACTUP on 25th anniversary for changing the world

The Aids Coalition To Unleash Power (ACTUP) changed the world 25 years ago and it is likely where the term "militant homosexuals" came from.  Demanding the right to live is pretty radical I must say [/sarcasm] but in the 1980s when the President of the United States waits until over 20,000 citizens are dead before even publicly acknowledging the epidemic, what else can a dying people do but stand up for themselves while they still have breath. I applaud ACTUP and wish todays gay souls could have an ounce of the courage these folks had.  While the right wing idolizes Ronald Reagan for doing what Obama is doing under an "R" classification, he was a failure of a human for letting so many people die before even simply uttering the word 'AIDS' publicly.  The 80's were a dark time for America, where was its soul exactly? It was in ACTUP.


Mom and I get a breakthrough... finally


Today my mother and I had a breakthrough.  No, my family and I had a breakthrough.  I have had breakthroughs before and they have never panned out, but for some reason I believe this one is real.  You see, I have been writing Mom a letter… a response to a letter she wrote me a couple months ago.  I have been struggling to write this letter for about three weeks now, and it has been on my mind relentlessly.  I have had difficulty thinking about other stuff because of the letter.  So, after about ten letters, each of which I just give up, because I don’t know how to or what to say, I finally just stopped out of frustration.  I wanted to call Mom to clear some things verbally and in a way prep her for what I would say.  Our conversation resolved the two minor issues I had with her original letter.

We made an agreement that if she would be honest with me and say what she really felt, I would be trustworthy to not rind her for it.  You see in the past, I have taken my anger towards the church out on her because I wanted her to differentiate herself from them, but she never would.  I would take my anger I had for my father out towards her by saying “yall” when I really meant Dad, because I wanted her to differentiate herself from him, but she wouldn’t.  I yearned for her to validate my feelings and assure me that what the church or dad did was not her feelings, but I didn’t get the type of reaction I wanted, she just remained silent.  Now when I look back on it, I feel terrible.  She really internalized my anger to other things towards her.  She believed I was angry at her and my bitterness was taken as an attack.  So I hurt my mother, yeah I feel great about that.

That isn’t to say that she has not hurt me – the hurt has definitely been passed around.  She has nothing on my Dad though.  Life has been hard, but I am a strong person for it.  So it is what it is.  I gave on my relationship with my father years ago before I moved to Atlanta.  One night when I was out with my friend Brett, I came home around midnight.  My dad was sitting at the breakfast table crying and he asked me to come over he had something he wanted to tell me.  For the next hour and a half he proceeded to tell me that I was killing Jesus with my homosexuality.  I am not entirely sure what that meant, how I was killing a deity with my sexual orientation.  Regardless, I had to sit there out of respect for my father and listen to him denigrate me for a significant period of time and keep my mouth shut.  I let him say whatever he wanted to say while just staring at him.  At that point, I was so over his gimmicks.  I was so over his bullying.  Finally when he was finished, I said to him that I listened to everything he had to say, and I also have something to say.  I said I want to respond to him and will he listen.  For about 2-5 minutes he simply sat there, shaking, no response.  Finally he stood up and started to walk away, then turned and said “I don’t have to listen to you.  I am standing for truth.  There is no response to be made to truth and I don’t have to listen to you, and I will not.”

That was the end of my relationship with my father.  I just released him at that moment.  He failed me miserably in that moment and I couldn’t handle caring anymore.  So for the years since, I felt a need to write him a letter.  I felt the need to respond for my own sanity, because I needed closure.  So I wrote a letter, and I wrote another letter, and another one and another and another one.  I wrote more letters than I could possibly count.  I would say that it was therapeutic, but then again, I had to continually relive those feelings over and over so they compounded on me.  After a while, it got to the point where I desperately wanted closure.  I became obsessed with finishing this letter and moving on with my life.  I finally simply gave up.  It’s like that say, “let go and let god” – at that moment I don’t remember if I believed in God (I go back and forth on that).  But it was that same sentiment.  I just had to let go, so I did.  Interestingly, in a matter of no time, I had already forgiven him without even realizing it.

So this was a similar sentiment.  Mom’s letter was not mean, she hadn’t done or said anything mean to me lately, but I felt the need to respond to her letter.  I had become consumed by it.  The last time we talked, she said something along the lines of “I love you but I hate that” and “I think a demon has tricked you into thinking you are gay and it’s real to you, but it really isn’t real”.  How do you argue with someone who thinks your reality isn’t real, except to you, but not really because it’s not really real, it’s a demon, but you’re not demon possessed or anything, you just believed a demon.  Um, ok Mom thanks.  I got my Masters Degree from Georgia Institute of Technology but a “demon” tricked me into thinking I’m gay… and also tricked millions of people throughout history as well, and the scientists who say its natural, and he still hasn’t been promoted or anything, he’s still just a demon. Thanks Mom.  How do you respond to that?  “Extreme Cognitive Dissonance” is the only thing that comes to my mind.

Anyway, we spoke on the phone.  She agreed to stop holding back and would tell me her truth and I promised I would do everything I could to be sensitive to not hurt her by anything I wanted to say.  I never once wanted to hurt her, I simply wanted her to see my pain and empathize with it, but I was also letting my fear of rejection prevent me from being real with her, so I was also at fault.

After that we talked about bridge building – it’s an inside understanding.  A prophet spoke over me many years ago saying I would be a bridge builder, I would be the first to cross them and on the other side it would be lonely because people would still be afraid to cross the bridge.  It’s all true.  I knew it when he said it, and I’m living it.  Mom responds well to validation of her beliefs.  She believes in God speaking through people, God’s promises and prophesies, etc.  So we talk about that for a little while.  She explained to me that in the past when I would try to push her to consider my dilemma, it would be as if a wall went up and she would instantly go into defense mode.  She continued though that on her own terms, she has walked in her mind to the edge of an abyss, looked down and asked God for guidance.  “If my belief on this subject is wrong, please tell me, please show me. If my reading of the scriptures is not accurate, please help me see the truth.”  For the first time, it sounds to me that mother is truly willing to listen, to look at the possibility that there is a deeper truth she is not recognizing.  In her letter she even acknowledged “My beliefs are meeting with your reality and it is causing us both pain” – which was the first time she ever acknowledged that my reality is real.

She agreed that she is now willing to hear information about other interpretations of scripture, translation errors, and even science.  So the breakthroughs here are enormous.  Mom is willing to hear alternative viewpoints on scripture and what science has to say about human sexuality, she acknowledged that my reality is real, and she also made a very valid point to me about my father.  I told her about how I think he hates gay people and I explained why, but what she reminded me were that those things happened or were said before my Dads ego was beaten to a pulp – before the church split, before most of our family friends turned their backs on us, and before the economy crashed and his construction trade was no longer in demand.  And she is right – he is a different person, his ego has taken a beating, he is very soft and humble these days.  He is very down to earth these days.  And I knew that, but I didn’t give him that benefit.  She told me not to judge him on things that happened way in the past.  I have changed, she has changed, Dad has changed – we have all grown, we are all different people.  So that’s a new perspective about him also.

All in all, I feel like a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders.  I know the work is not done, but there is much less to do than I thought and there is actually hope in my heart that something good will come of age.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Christians walk out of phenomenal speech in utter shame

Dan Savage delivered an excellent speech called "Journalism on the Edge" at a National High School Journalism Convention event.  Christian students walk out of speech in obvious shame when Savage begins discussing the utter hypocrisy in using the Bible to bully gay people while ignoring everything else unfavorable in the "holy" book about how to live.  Crowds cheered in applause during key speaking points.  Savage also addresses the students walking out pointing out how different it must feel when the bullies have their excuses ripped to pieces:



Bullying is never worthy of a defense whether you are a slaveowner or a gaybasher. Thats the message and it was not much of a stretch. Any Christian today would call the bible's approval of slave-ownership bullshit - Savage made a logical parallel and this was just too much to bear for a handful of kids. Why would they be so offended by his disapproval of using the bible as a weapon to bully others? Savage defended himself and all the gay kids in high school today in a way they may not be able to do for themselves. Generally, there isnt a giant gay population in any highschool and in many, there is one or two who are out. I applaud him.

But this is the thing: times are changing and tables are turning. Is this were any other human rights issue, it would probably get really ugly and potentially bloody. However, I seriously doubt gay people have the heart for that. Bitterness? Definitely, but revenge, not likely. We dont want to harm anyone but we will defend ourselves and if that requires calling a kettle black, then in my mind, its all good. The point of journalism as I see is to question ideas through communication. These kids who walked out didnt want to hear the idea at all and were extremely disrespectful to the presenter. Had he not referred to their behavior as "pansy assed" then the only thing people would upset about is his referring to the bible's immoral set of mores as such. What they did was cowardly, and though not my words, he clearly stated that.

The message was not hurt and cannot be hurt. The message is a step in our social process of becoming a civilized species - it will happen, because it must happen. Love conquers all, and it will. Those who cannot accept it, will be outcast an in my view that is whats starting to happen. The speech is an example of that. Evolving is not always fun for everyone. It certainly hasnt been all fun for gay folks over the last 50 years, and it probably wont be fun for anti-gay folks today and into the future. Bless their hearts!

Friday, April 27, 2012

Vatican: we must unite with Muslims & Jews against gays

The Pope's representative in Britain announced plans to attempt an alliance with Muslims and Jews to persecute gay people around the world.  The Telegraph reports:

“It seems to me that, concerning the institution of marriage, and indeed the sanctity of human life, we have much in common with the position of the Jewish community, the Chief Rabbi and many of the more significant representatives of Islam.”

Speaking in London yesterday the second most senior active Catholic cleric in England and Wales, Archbishop Peter Smith, of Southwark, said there had been no “formal” contact with Jewish groups to form a united front on the subject of marriage.




Thursday, April 26, 2012

Pew Research finds "broad declines" in marriage equality opposition

Just another major poll identifying what all the other polls are saying: Americans support equality for gay and lesbian folks.  In this poll, opposition to gay marriage in almost every identifiable group of people is now in the minority, with a few exceptions.  These are the polling trends since 2004:


* Total opposition has decreased to 43%

* Black opposition is now in minority at 49%

* 65+ is the only age cohort still in opposition, but only barely at 56%

* My parents cohort is now in the minority at 47% (Mom is 56, Dad is 55)

* Republicans are down 10 points from 78% to 68% - still not a mainstream American party

* Protestants still barely oppose at 56% - where Catholics stood in 2004 before dropping 12 points

* White evangelicals dropped 7 percentage points between 2004-2008, and strong opposition is actually fluctuating - the only group to change directions.  Perhaps people are leaving evangelical denominations are joining friendlier groups and this has changed the sample identifying as evangelical.

* Only 5% of non-religious folks strongly oppose same-sex marriage

Lets not forget that 47% of Americans polled support same-sex marriage now.  Other major national polls have support at 52-58% - but all polls have one thing in common, opposition is quickly declining while support is rapidly increasing.

my youtube channel & video blogging

So, I thought I should probably share my youtube channel and video blogging with you all.  This channel is not specifically focused on the same issues this blog is, but its still me, and Im still putting myself out there.  So yes, the first thing you may notice is that I am shirtless - and that will be a likely theme in the youtube videos.

I am single and ready to mingle, if Match.com cant find me a man then perhaps a shirtless youtube channel can ;) - I have no shame in my game.  Its a gay channel about my gay life and my gay opinions, so its gotta have some beefcake and besides sex sells.  Maybe people will watch my videos solely to see a shirtless guy talk.  I am not insinuating that I am attractive - beauty is in the eye(s) of the beholder.  I know that.

Anyway, in this video I discuss the difficulty of meeting good people in Atlanta, the cons of gay dating via Match.com and the woes of looking for a job with a Masters degree from a Tier One school in this shitty economy.  Enjoy:

Robert Spitzer pens letter of apology

Addressing the editor of Archives of Sexual Behavior Dr. Ken Zucker, Robert Spitzer writes a letter of apology concerning the study published in 2001 which claims highly motivated homosexuals can change their orientation to heterosexual.  Spitzer is now retracting the study and owning up to some major research flaws.  He is remorseful that anti-gay activists have misused the study to claim that people can change their sexual orientation, although the study was unable to prove so irrefutably. A portion of his letter was obtained by Truth Wins Out:


    Several months ago I told you that because of my revised view of my 2001 study of reparative therapy changing sexual orientation, I was considering writing something that would acknowledge that I now judged the major critiques of the study as largely correct. After discussing my revised view of the study with Gabriel Arana, a reporter for American Prospect, and with Malcolm Ritter, an Associated Press science writer, I decided that I had to make public my current thinking about the study. Here it is.

    Basic Research Question. From the beginning it was: “can some version of reparative therapy enable individuals to change their sexual orientation from homosexual to heterosexual?” Realizing that the study design made it impossible to answer this question, I suggested that the study could be viewed as answering the question, “how do individuals undergoing reparative therapy describe changes in sexual orientation?” – a not very interesting question.

    The Fatal Flaw in the Study – There was no way to judge the credibility of subject reports of change in sexual orientation. I offered several (unconvincing) reasons why it was reasonable to assume that the subject’s reports of change were credible and not self-deception or outright lying. But the simple fact is that there was no way to determine if the subject’s accounts of change were valid.

    I believe I owe the gay community an apology for my study making unproven claims of the efficacy of reparative therapy. I also apologize to any gay person who wasted time and energy undergoing some form of reparative therapy because they believed that I had proven that reparative therapy works with some “highly motivated” individuals.

    Robert Spitzer. M.D.
    Emeritus Professor of Psychiatry,
    Columbia University




Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Maddow reports on Robert Spitzer's retraction

According to Spitzer, the study is not scientific, but is simply a collection of anecdotes and testimonials. He is ashamed of the research being published in a scientific journal as to give the impression that it is empirical work when it is no more than self-reporting results under heavy influence from religious figures.




church headlines


The Archbishop of Wales says “All life-long committed relationships deserved the welcome, pastoral care and support of the Church.":

"If the moral aim of the gospel is to encourage love of neighbours, how can that happen when people are made to feel unwanted, unloved, and sinful? How is the gospel good news for homosexuals?”

Predicting some disquiet in the denomination as a result of the speech, he said: “I don’t think he will gain universal approval and I think there are some people who will be aghast [who] will think he’s sold out to political correctness which is a nonsense. Anybody who knows Barry knows he couldn’t give a monkey’s about political correctness.”

*

Priest of Seattle's Our Lady of the Lake Catholic Church receives a standing ovation for refusal to involve church in signature gathering for initiative to repeal same-sex unions in Washington.

The parish became the sixth in Seattle to opt out of the petition drive for Referendum 74 that has been endorsed and foisted on parishes by Archbishop J. Peter Sartain.

Other parishes to shun the signature drive have includes St. James Cathedral, St. Joseph Church, St. Mary’s Church, St. Patrick Church and Christ Our Hope Catholic Church.

In several parishes, pastors have said that gathering signatures against marriage equality would, in the words of the Rev. Michael Ryan of St. James Cathedral, “prove hurtful and seriously divisive in our community.”

lost dreams...

The wedding dreams of Ohio gay teen Kenneth Weishuhn who took his life recently were expressed on his Pinterest page. So sad.

economic effects of discrimination

Charlotte businesswoman discusses the impact of anti-gay attitudes on regional and state economies, particularly that of North Carolina regarding Amendment 1 - which will strip away the few existing rights that unmarried couples currently have in an effort to hurt gay citizens.  Unfortunately, this law will affect health insurance for unmarried couples in domestic partnerships for employment spouse benefits as well as unmarried partners who are separated due to domestic violence with restraining orders.  To ignore all relationships which are not marriages will undermine the protections for thousands of couples who do not want to participate in the failed institution... that is in addition to discriminating against gay folks, and resulting in young gay talent leaving Charlotte, North Carolina.



Fortunately, in Georgia we have this thing called Atlanta, but to be honest, we still miss a lot of economic opportunities which go to big cities in socially liberal economies.  Atlanta is a pretty gay city, but its considered the best the South has to offer gays, and were talking about the South, so the bar is set pretty low.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Powerful GLAAD speech

Powerful speech from Jennifer Tyrrell - Ohio Mom kicked out of Boy Scouts for her sexual orientation

From the petition website:

Shortly after registering my son for Cub Scouts, I was asked to assume the role of den leader and was persuaded by a platform of tolerance, acceptance and support. Throughout the year, my cubs performed volunteer service at a local soup kitchen, collected canned goods for area churches to distribute in food baskets, participated in bell-ringing for the Salvation Army, and, at the time of my removal, were working on a conservation project for a state park. My Tiger Cubs earned multiple Scout badges for service and skills, while learning and exercising the 12 Core Values of Scouting: citizenship, compassion, cooperation, courage, faith, health & fitness, honesty, perseverance, positive attitude, resourcefulness, respect, and responsibility.

The revocation of my membership came shortly after I was elected treasurer of my pack and uncovered some inconsistencies in the pack's finances. Within a week of reporting these findings to the council, I received notice that my membership had been revoked, based on my sexual orientation, citing that because I'm gay, I did "not meet the high standards of membership that the BSA seeks."

it gets better .... for some

For a while, its been pretty heavy on my heart to blog about my experiences as a gay man.  My experience is not unique - in that I am who I am, but my family does not support my humanity.  My father is seasoned minister of a fundamentalist Christian sect.  My mother goes along with what he says and does.  Of course, she is her own person, and has her own reasons for her belief system, but from my point of view, its seems that she takes a cue from him for spiritual guidance.  I guess one of the reasons I feel the need to raise my voice at this time, is because in the media, and in mainstream America, gay and lesbian people are becoming more accepted and loved.


However, while many are saying "it gets better" to the world, for many of us, it doesn't necessarily get that much better for everyone.  So I feel the need to point out that while mainstream America is moving forward, gay people are still suffering and hurting.  Families are still not accepting, churches are still hating, and pretty much all of the pain comes from religious fanaticism.  As bad as it is to partake in a faith system which ignores scientific truths of creation, many people who ascribe to such faith are hurting too.  They consider it a life or death issue - they see it as an attack on the fundamentals of their faith, not really seeing that those fundamentals have been attacked and changed numerous times in history.


My pain comes from the relationship I have with my parents.  My relationship with them is inauthentic by their obsession.  I want to live in truth and be able to speak truth and live in reality, but they dont want to accept truth or reality.  My parents want to divide my humanity in two pieces, so they can love the part they understand and hate or fear the part they dont understand.  But the problem with that, is that I am not two-halves of a person, I am one whole person.  My sexuality is ingrained in every aspect of who I am.  Because of it, I see and experience the world completely different from how they do.  So as long as they dualize me, they dehumanize me.


When they look at me and speak to me, they are speaking to an idea of me that is not real.  My parent are obsessed with a lie they want so badly to be true.  I dont feel loved.  They say they love me, and I believe that mentally they think they do.  I believe that they sincerely love a false concept of me, but the real me, I do not feel loved.  I feel alone in this world.


I dont even try with my father. Our relationship became tumultuous early in life, before I realized what sexuality was and where I fit into all that.  I believe he loves me, but I also believe that he genuinely hates gay people, individually and as a whole.  So where does that leave me?  Do I get grandfathered in because he didnt know that he was going to have a gay son?  I do think he makes an exception with me, but that exception is so thin that when I suck up oxygen around him, I feel like Im doing so on pins and needles.


My relationship with my Mom is different.  She says she loves me because I came out of her body, she cites a special bond that a mother has with her child - like a wave of energy that connect them when the cord is severed.  I believe her.  I really do.  From an evolutionary standpoint, I believe that my mother loves me as a mother loves her child.  But does she love me as the adult I have become?  Like I said earlier, its so hard to explain, to say I believe her intention to love me, but I dont feel it.  Its like you have to love the wholeness of someones humanity for them to feel it, and I dont feel it.


She has said "I love you, but I hate THAT."  And that pretty much sums it up.  I know some parents dont love their children, and some parents abandon their children.  I am not saying my life is so terrible, but when I look at my straight brother, and there is no biological aspect of him that they hate, there is no essence of his soul and being that they hate - its just not fair. It hurts so much.


Please understand why I am writing this and putting it out there.  I am writing my thoughts and feelings because other people are feeling and experiencing these same struggles.  It does not seem to be getting better for everyone, and those people also deserve a voice.  I do not want anyone who is still working through their metaphysical dilemma to feel that they are the only one.  There are others who are going through the same things and we understand.  I am not throwing myself a pity party, I am not seeking anyone.s sympathy.


Secondly, people in the church need to know what they are doing to gay souls.  Those responsible for the millions of hate crimes against humanity and gay teen suicides all over the world need to know what they are doing.  Just because we are alive does not mean we dont feel pain either.  The "pro-family" folk need to know the lives and families they are destroying.  Everyone deserves to have a relationship with their parents.  The "family-values" crowd seem to toot that every child deserves a loving mother and father on every media circus they join, but what do gay children deserve? Dont we deserve love from our parents too?


The purpose of this blog is to put these things out there and have a conversation.  Gay marriage is not going to solve all the problems - legal equality is a necessary step, but let us not sweep it all under the rug once we achieve this in America solely.  People need an outlet and I hope this blog will help supply that venue.  Times are changing as we enter the Age of Aquarius, there is a spiritual reawakening taking place.  Will the church evaporate or emerge into something different?  Will belief in Jesus subside or will the early church followers be given a new voice to remind us of who he really was?


Will gay people forgive the church?