pennsylvania high school teacher records and distributes video of student with his transgender date, pokes fun, incites bullying

School teacher in Hannover, PA incited bullying by recording and distribution/screening video of student dancing with his transgender prom date to make fun of him.  Students begin bullying him at direction of teacher.  This is insane!

high school bars lesbian couple from entering prom

Catholic high school bans a same-sex couple from entering the prom.  Students rally in support by holding their own prom right outside the doors of the Catholic school. Love and Equality? Not a Catholic value apparently.

jay-z has not always been my favorite artist, but now he is :)

Jay-Z discusses Obama's support of same-sex marriage, agrees with President.

finally letting go - a culmination of events until now

I have been on a journey for a while, but things are starting to change.  As cliché as it sounds, I have decided that I am going to “let go, and let god” as they say.  I am surrendering all as they say.  My way has not worked at all, and the only thing that has been holding me back from accepting that reality is my worthless ego.  My ego has prevented me from accepting my truth that I have no freaking clue what I am doing… that I am now 28, and the problems I have been trying to fix in my life have still not been fixed.  Ten years later, I am still dealing with the same crap.  I am still dealing with the same pain, the same struggle.  So I am turning it over to god.  I don’t really have any other alternative, and I haven’t had any for a while now.  And that’s not why I am surrendering my ego and asking god to intervene, but because I really think I deserve to have faith.

You see, while I have openly and ruthlessly combated the so-called “Christian” viewpoint that I cannot be a homosexual and have faith, as well as everything else “Christian” just because that self-righteous view played a huge role in me ultimately losing my faith in god.  My bitterness towards mean Christians, the self-righteous, loud, gay-bashing ones you see on TV and in public if you are from a small town, just has become too exhausting.  And yes, I have been bullying mean Christians right back, and I will be the first to admit that it feels really good to bully back.  It feels validating.  Particularly now, that for the majority of my life Christians and society have both agreed that I am gross, immoral, and unacceptable, yet suddenly society’s voice in that regard has completely though gradually diminished and it is now only the mean Christians saying so.  With society at large now saying I am moral, I am beautiful and pointing the finger with me at Christians as the hate-mongers, gay-bashers, etc.  Yes, it feels great that the tables have turned and I can now be the bully and get back at them for hurting me for so many years, get back at them for diminishing my faith and my birth right to love god and be loved back.

And all the while knowing in my heart that while it feels good in a crude way, it also feels bad to become them.  Revenge feels good in one way, but not taking the high road also feels bad.  It has also become really hard to reconcile the fact that there are many, many GOOD people who are Christians and who act like what Christ would act like.  It became hard for me to lump them in to this “all Christians” category that I wanted to be mad at.  Living in Atlanta has been a different experience too.  Even the really vocal “Im a Christian” type people in Atlanta aren’t necessarily mean gay-bashers.  Being a Christian in a bigger city really does not automatically come with the baggage of being a bigot.  So its not black and white, and I KNOW its not, and always knew it wasn’t, but I was angry and hurt and bitter.  I never hid from that fact, I always admitted that I was bitter and angry.  I am not ashamed of my feelings, my feeling are real and always have been so when people who call me a hypocrite saying that I sounded bitter, I would respond with “AND?” – no shit I sound bitter because I AM! Duh. Tell me something I don’t know. FAIL!

Anyway that’s one topic, one of the many layers to this letting go moment.  Another layer is my whole attempt to fix my life.  To demand what I needed to feel whole, and to make it happen.  My parents.  My father is a Pentecostal minister who in my lifetime has had a lot of really mean, dirty, hateful things to say about gay people.  Is he the same person today that he was when he said all those things? Of course not, but he still occasionally says things that are hurtful and untrue.  He still reads Ann Coulter and all the other haters’ books stacked up next to the toilet.  He still read weird psychobabble conspiracy fringe theories about Obama being the anti-Christ or whatever.  He doesn’t really talk to me about that stuff, but its on this computer desktop, its on paper in letters he writes lying around his office.  And my Mom wants to feel safe.  She finds security in the Bible.  She find security in a belief that today’s English translations of the Bible are word for word literally what was originally written in Hebrew, Classical Greek and Koine Greek, even though it is so extremely far removed from it.  She takes refuge in the security of God wrote it, God meant for it to get to us the way it did, and any book with the word Holy Bible stamped on the front is exactly the same book that God wrote.  Mom is afraid of questions.  Mom is afraid of uncertainties, yet she and dad are both losing their son.  Mom loves me, I know that.  Dad loves me, I think.  Their definition of love is not my definition of love though, HOW they love me is not necessarily what I need from them.  So our family struggles tremendously with my gay issue.

I don’t know when I started to attempt to fix this, to get what I needed from it.  I need my Dad to accept me and affirm me and love me unconditionally, and trust that I am being truthful when I speak of my experience.  I don’t have that.  I need that from my Mother too.  Only recently has she explained to me that she genuinely believes that her belief system is in conflict with my reality.  Before that, she simply believed and even told me that she thinks Im not gay, but a demon tricked me into thinking that I was gay, and I believe the said demon and am still living in deception.  The thing is, I knew I was gay LONG before they started realizing things.  I didn’t have a word for it, but I knew what it was. Regardless, Mom acknowledging that my experience was a real experience was a HUGE step for us.  With Dad, I honestly don’t know what he thinks.  We don’t speak about it.  I never really had to courage to talk to him about it either… except for one time… the summer before I moved to Atlanta.  So in our relationship, every single time the opportunity came up, even though I didn’t have the courage, he always slammed the door shut.  And the one time I did have the courage, he struggled but then slammed it shut.  So essentially my father has made the decision each and every time to shut me out, and not hear me out.

So, I have been burdened with this for many many years, thinking that like Obama, I could somehow strategically sway my parents and calculate how to get there where I needed them to piece by piece make them understand and believe me.  Make them affirm my humanity, my orientation, love me, accept me, support me, support my desire to be in love someday, to have a partner someday, etc.

I have hit the same wall over and over and over and over again.  Maybe this time it will fall down, maybe this time, the door wont be shut in my face, maybe this time a window will open.  And after a year had passed, and another year, and another, well maybe a few more months I can fix it, and so on… and now I am 28, about to be 29, and I have wasted ten years of my life, not allowing myself to live it, but to only attempt to fix something I have no control over.  I have wasted a decade of my life, sprinting into a giant brick wall over and over, and all the while, life as passed me by.  I am not dying of old age right now, I get it, but ten years is a long time.  My stubborn ego really though I could fix this.

But I cant, and I haven’t, and its not in my control.  Who’s control is it in? I really don’t know.  But if there is a god, and if there is any truth to jesus being real, then maybe Jesus can help me. Maybe the only thing I have left is faith.  Faith that someone greater than me has a greater plan than mine, has greater dreams for me than I have for myself, has greater love for me than the love I want from my parents.  When I believed in God, when I considered myself a Christian, I felt 100% supported and affirmed by God, I really did.  He gave me scriptures, he told me profound things, he told me he created me this way and for a purpose.  And I believed him.  I had no issue with God.  His people, I had an issue with and at some point, it went from knowing him through prayer to knowing through his organized spiritual country clubs.

And there have been many many tiny tiny TINY details of my life recently that have been nudging me to surrender all and let go and let god and just humble myself.  From seeing my gay roommate’s Bible sitting on his bed as if he had been reading it, to crossing paths with outspoken Christians who had true auras of love around them, to my mother’s admitting that she no longer KNOWS what she knows, that she stands on the edge of a cliff in her spiritual journey and asks God to reveal truth about this issue, asking him if she has it wrong, then to show her the right, from famous Christians coming out of the closet and firmly holding steadfast to their faith, standing up to those bullies who scream “you cannot love gayly and love God, you cannot be a Christian and gay, you are an abomination, etc.” But standing up to them and saying “NO!” You are wrong, and I will not be bullied by you anymore!!”  Jennifer Knapp holding on to her faith, and standing up to bigot pastor Bob Botsford condemning her on Larry King Live, saying you are lost, you are going to hell, you do not know god, your faith is meaningless, etc.  She stood up to him and defended her Faith.  Chely Wright stood up to the Country music industry and defended her faith.  And they inspired me.  I started watching interviews of them and other famous gays discussing their journey to come to peace with who they are… and most of these famous folks like Ricky Martin, Wanda Sykes, etc only having the courage to come out and be at peace with themselves after entering their late 30’s and 40’s - and I am upset about being 28 and still not finding peace.  Listening to them recall the EXACT same emotions I am feeling right now. Being validated by a respectable person.

So through many many gradual events, so many I cannot name them all, not even all the significant ones, I have come to a place of surrender, a realization that I cannot carry this anymore.  I cannot carry my parents feelings about me anymore.  I cannot carry the worlds feelings about me anymore.  I cannot carry any self-professing Christians viewpoint about me anymore.  All I can carry is me, and what I believe, and my faith, my surrender, my love, my truth, myself.  That’s it, I have no more energy left from this. So I give up.  I don’t give up with a gun in my mouth, I give up my ego to whoever wants it, or doesn’t want it. I give it up because with it, I cant be happy, and I cant be whole.  I cant even breathe anymore.  I am so over it, its not even funny anymore.  Im over this blog entry too. Im so Katherine McPhee right now – OVER IT.  Ive been over, and now Im finally realizing that its not my situation that Im over, its my freaking EGO!!!  Its not important.  I don’t have to be right, I don’t have to be validated, I don’t have to be loved, I don’t have to be affirmed. GOD MADE ME!! That’s all that matters!!  Its not up to anyone else to attribute anything to me to define me to limit me to put me in a comfortable box.

Its over.

I surrender all. I let go, God I let you. Holler! You and me, that’s all that matters. I trust you.  Its out of my hands now, and its in the hand of the creator of the universe. What better place could I be?

Drew

PS. I created a new blog, a video blog putting faces and voices to this process.  I created it for mom, dedicated to her, but in truth, its what helped me find this courage to let go.  It was me that needed fixing all along.

CHECK IT OUT – momsbridge.blogspot.com

 

andrew sullivan (and andrew murray) discusses reaction to president obama's endorsement of same-sex marriage

As many people I imagine, Andrew Sullivan cried when he heard the words of Obama.  No one was expecting it, I certainly wasn't expecting it.  I knew all along, that after the second election, Obama would come out in full force for marriage equality, employment non-discrimination, etc. because Obama not only has morals, but also has game. He has strategy.  I would much rather want him to come out in support of gay rights after his re-election, than risk not getting one by coming out now, because ultimately, I want to have equal rights more than I want presidential approval.

Still, I had no idea what was about to happen. I did read on the blogs that there was some confusion about some off-comment idea of the white house having conflicting statements on same-sex marriage, but to me I didnt consider that news.  Obama has all but come out in support of same-sex marriage, all the while refusing to defend DOMA in court, and coming out against anti-gay constitutional amendment referendums because they are "divisive". His rhetoric has been conflicted, barely walking a line between support and non-support.  Sure, it was annoying to hear conservative folks argue "your liberal president doesnt even support you" etc. But it was a strategy, a means to an end.

Over a dozen major national polls over the past year have all indicated that a majority of Americans now support same-sex marriage, gay rights, think gays are no less moral than straights, etc ranging from 52-60% depending on the poll.  But Dont Ask Dont Tell had 80% support from Americans to repeal it and they BARELY got it repealed.  So yeah, a narrow majority does not mean a President is safe to support it publicly, so again, I did not expect him to come out before the election with an "evolution" of opinion.

Regardless, I was in California Pizza Kitchen when I glanced up at the flat screen monitors all seemingly on different news channels all showing the same thing, so it must have been something important. When my eyes focused to see what they were talking about, what the news reel said, I was surprised.  I was overjoyed, but even in the instant moment of joy, tears dropped out of my eyes without even a feeling of tearfulness. I cried right there at my table in front of everyone in the restaurant, all the while feeling pure happiness, pure peace, like some weight had been lifted from me.  His words were an opinion of moral conscience, not an executive order, not a congressional vote, not a supreme court ruling, not anything that truly mattered on bringing this hope to fruition, but the President of the United States for the first time in history stated in public for the public to hear, and in his view, I am not less than, I am equal, I am valued.  It was as if my own father was standing there saying he loved me and accepted me.  And for many gay men and women, Obama likely became an instant surrogate father to so many whose parents refuse to say that to their kids longing for that feeling on unconditional love from an authority figure.  It really changed me, it gave me hope, it gave me peace.

oklahoma republican house rep says gay is a choice, would not support anti-discrimination employment law

GOP Representative James Lankford of Oklahoma is questioned on Capitol Hill whether he would support a bill to ban employment discrimination against gay and lesbians workers.  He states that being gay is different from a race or gender, that it is a "choice issue" and he would not support protection of "behaviors".

Um... are we forgetting that religion IS a choice issue? And it is protected already - you are not born religious, but you are born with a sexual orientation.  He also contradicts himself stating that people have tendencies but simultaneously choose their orientations... which are somehow related to some type of behavior... not sure what that's about.

Christian Polling Company: Americans Split on Whether Homosexuality is Sin

The Christian polling company, LifeWay Research released a poll for May 2012 which was conducted in September 2011 - not sure why it took them 8 months to run the regression models - that concludes that Americans are split on opinion of whether homosexuality is a sin.  Their research indicates that 44% believe it is a sin while 43% do not believe it is a sin.  Perhaps they wanted to hold off on releasing their research for a time when gay folks would start making abundant progress like we are doing now.  I dont really understand why in college, we had to run regressional models for our weekly homework, but it takes 8 months for a Christian polling company to do so.  Regardless, below is their presentation work - obviously biased to only highlight "Yes" responses in most of the graphs lol.

top GOP documents leaked: demand reversal on gay issues, voters abandoning bigoted ideology in droves

Top Republican strategists advise fast reversal on gay issues in order to obtain relevance. Bigotry as a strategy isn't working anymore. I doubt any of us will ever forget OR forgive that party. Regardless, the panic button has been pressed as each GOP politician has been in a contest to see who is the most anti-gay, the President one-ups them all by coming out in support of same-sex marriage.  Republicans have been pulling democrats and liberals closer to the center for years by running as far to the extreme right as society will allow them.  Last week, Obama essentially said "ENOUGH".  Democrats and Liberal politicians also echoed "Enough!".

In panic mode, top GOP strategists are frantic, reporting "Support for same sex marriage has been growing and in the last few years support has grown at an accelerated rate with no sign of slowing down." Their own polling is showing support for gay rights increasing by 5 percentage points per year, not percent, but percentage points since 2010.  Before then it was only 1 percentage point per year.  Additionally, they advise that Republicans now favor all basic forms of gay equality in the majority.  Americans supporting same-sex marriage now lead opposers by 10% on average. See report below:

 

memo continues...

Mitt Romney's partners in bullying come forward, speak to ABC News

Regarding the infamous bullying incident where Mitt Romney and friends held a gay classmate down in high school and cut his hair with scissors about which Romney laughs about when asked if he remembers... his bully friends come forward about the incident. Since Presidential candidate Romney who essentially fired his spokesman for being gay cannot remember the incident that he finds funny, his comrades discuss on ABC News.

original marriage: union of man and rib

Stephen Colbert reports on original marriage and Jesus' opinion on homosexuality. Apparently Jesus was so enraged by it, he was speechless on the matter.

The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive

religious nut offers arguments against Lincoln Nebraska anti-discrimination ordinance

Religious nutcase presents arguments about why Lincoln Nebraska should not enact an anti-discrimination ordinance protecting gay folks. Among her gems include:

• A study in San Francisco proves that gay children fail all grades K-12 because all they do is rape each other at school and participate in orgies
• The first AIDS patient contracted the virus by having sex with his dead partners corpse...
• Homosexual sex occurs by raping dead bodies of partners, killing them by smashing their intestines
• Judas kissed Jesus because Judas was a homo, and we should choose Jesus not Judas the homo

You have to see this woman to believe her.

Obama's parents couldn't get married in 14 states in 1967

Interesting point that most conservatives "forget" that the definition of marriage has changed numerous times in history.  Chris Matthews interviews Ted Olsen and Evan Wolfson, discusses Obama's comments on marriage equality.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Washington Paster Ken Hutcherson comes out as gay... well kinda

Anti-gay pastor Ken Hutcherson states that he is gay in an interview with Christian Post.

"Seriously, I am the gayest guy I know," Hutcherson reiterated in an interview with The Christian Post.

Apparently, Hutcherson decides to re-closet himself by saying that he is not a homosexual, he is just suddenly upset after 60 years of having no issue that the term gay, refers to gay people.  He thinks the term gay should only apply to Christians, as if the two are mutually exclusive to begin with.

Sounds like another sadly conflicted leader of the religious right.

protest planned for "beat your gay kids" Berean Baptist Church

If beating children is not something you support, or if you take issue with child abuse, see this protest page to take action.

in case you were wondering.... this is what a bigot looks like.... so now you know

In case you were wondering, this is what a bigot looks like - so now you know! The sad thing is, this amendment has nothing to do with redefining marriage yet again. North Carolina law already bans same-sex marriage. This law basically strips all legal protections from unmarried couples. You know.. all the Millennials today who don't want to get married since its a failed institution. Unfortunately, this amendment will strip away health insurance from children in unmarried households, and eliminate protections from domestic violence victims if they are not married to their attacker. You see, this is the peak of what Christianity has come to in America - FAR FROM ITS ROOTS! The dwindling Christian obsession with hating on gay people has come to the point where its illegal tax-exempt political meddling is nothing more than a matter of social posturing, bullying the gay community legislatively, trying to hold on to some aspect of pop culture, trying to somehow self-reinforce its purported relevance in a modern society. This law is simply a mean-spirited slap in the faces of gay people, they just want to make sure we know that they still hate us, even if the rest of America doesn't, anymore. Unfortunately, while caught up in this bigoted act of hate, the REAL VICTIMS of this amendment are the CHILDREN OF UNMARRIED HOUSEHOLDS. To the church, that's OK - children are collateral damage! At age 93, Billy Graham is coming out as a bigot, as a hater, as an old person suffering from dementia - because surely he doesn't think this is how to love thy neighbor.

Marriage News Watch presented by American Foundation for Equal Rights - April 30th

Minnesota GOP Rep. Zach Wyatt waits until end of term to come out as gay, and stand up for all citizens

GOP state representative Zach Wyatt expresses regret in the following video about choosing to hide his identity and support discriminatory legislation in the past.  At the end of his term, he finally decides to make a statement, although many people are saying "too little too late".  Who knows if this is an effort to ease his conscience to prepare for gay life outside of the legislature or what it is - hopefully he will have an effect on swaying his colleagues, hopefully he is doing this for Minnesota, and not himself. His speech below:

Sean "Beat Your Gay Kids" Harris' Berean Baptist Church phoned about comments

In this video, David Pakman phones the now infamous Berean Baptist Church where Pastor Sean Harris advocates the beating of gay children while the congregation laughs hysterically and "amen"s.  The North Carolina church employee claims that the comments are not the opinion of the church, itself.  Listen to pastors words and audience cheers to judge for yourself:

Warning, this is pretty disturbing.

Billy Graham is a bigot

I wrote this to him:

You know whats extra sad here? Marriage equality is coming to America. Numerous cases are making their way to the Supreme Court. North Carolina already bans same-sex marriage. All you did, was slap the face of every gay person in America with your hate. All the gays who once admired you, all the gays who lose their faith because of your hate. That is on your hands. You will have to answer to your hate when you pass. So sad for you and so sad for all the families you hurt, with your selfish war against love.

Russia is the new Nazi Germany

So St. Petersburg passed a law banning gay people from assembling, as well as any type of gay media.  Gays no longer have free speech, and anyone "promoting" anything gay, or saying anything positive about gay people, are now breaking the law.  Now Russia is trying to pass such legislation to make all things gay illegal.  Its so heartbreaking.

Zach Wahls on Jon Stewart... this guy is everywhere...

Zach is like our own Tebow, except he is not corny or lame, and he IS allowed to discuss gay topics.

The Daily Show
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

Zinnia analyzes the Dan Savage "controversy"

I truly love Zinnia Jones!  I love so many of her videos.  Granted, I cannot tell if she uses a script, but even if she does, her ideas are extremely well put together.  I have never seen a video about anti-gay bigotry by hers that I didnt wholeheartedly agree with.  I have not watched all of her videos, so I am not endorsing them as my opinion, but I am endorsing Zinnia as a speaker of truth in general.

In this video, Zinnia dissects the manufactured controversy, the pansy-assed reaction of the smiling/laughing kids who walked out (who were also "offended" supposedly except they were laughing). Watch!

Boy Scouts board member resigns in support of fired lesbian den leader

GLAAD announces that a board member of the Ohio River Valley Council of the BSA has resigned in support of Jennifer Tyrell who was asked to be a den leader, then after a year was fired for being a lesbian - even though they knew about her same-sex relationship when she joined.  Her petition for the BSA to change its mean and discriminatory policy now has nearly 300,000 signatures.

David J. Sims, the board member resigning submitted a letter which reads:


Dear Bob:


It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that I write to you today to inform you that I am resigning as a member of the Board of Directors of the Ohio River Valley Council of the Boy Scouts of America.


Yesterday, after receiving the email from Paul Tucker, I first learned the story of Jennifer Tyrrell, the den leader for Pack 109's Tiger Scouts in Bridgeport, Ohio, who was removed as leader solely due to her sexual orientation. I understand that this action was taken as a result of a standing policy of the Boy Scouts of America and that said action is legal. However, Ms. Tyrrell’s removal goes against my fundamental beliefs of how we should treat our fellow human beings and is, in my opinion, wholly discriminatory. I understand that the Boys Scouts of America is free to run its organization as it sees fit, however, I can not formally be a part of it based upon this policy.


My grandfather was an Eagle scout, my father was an Eagle scout and I am an Eagle Scout. Other than his family and his Christian faith, the most important thing in my father’s life was the Boy Scouts. The lived and breathed scouting. That is what makes this decision so exceedingly difficult and emotional. However, I know that my father would support my decision.


Best wishes to you, Ohio River Valley Council and the Boy Scouts of America in future endeavors. I hope that the powers that be will look into their hearts and find the wisdom and courage to re-examine the policies of the Boy Scouts of America.


Sincerely yours,


David J. Sims

p.post.1

This is a personal post where I'm talking about my life in general.  Ill do this from time to time, so read if you want to know a little more about me.  If not, skip over to the good stuff.

Life:

What’ new?  Still looking for a job in Atlanta although I have expanded my search to basically anywhere… that is as long as it’s in or near a big city.  I am putting in about 5-10 applications a day, and am starting to forget where I have an haven’t applied.  The money is starting to run out though.  When I worked at NYK, I spent almost all the money paying down credit cards and saving it for the next several rainy days.  My credit cards are back up to where they were, and my savings are down to about a third of what I had, and the bills are stacking up. *Sigh*

I’m not sure what to do.  It looks like I may need to start waiting tables again or something of the sort.  I just know from experience that when I wait tables, I get home all exhausted and drained from the indignifying attitude of Atlanta diners.  If I could get a job as a barista, or something, honestly, I would prefer to work at an hourly flat rate and not have to bend over backwards for a $2 tip.  I’m going to try to start back rating on Google – this will be an experiment though.  They sent me an email a few weeks ago telling me to stop rating because my pace was not fast enough, but they are still sending me emails about rating, and they also sent an email that stated they were increasing the time allowed to do the tasks that they said I was taking too long to do.  But I never received an email saying I could start back rating… I’m so confused.  Even though I hate the job, I don’t really have a choice, and I hate waiting tables more! So, my plan is to log in and start rating and see what happens.  At least if I rate, I can make $1000 a month, which is enough to stay afoot til I find a real job… that is if they let me continue.

Enteeways… my friend told me about his friend who writes articles for pay, write two or three a day and that’s how he supports himself and his child.  So I looked it up, did some research and found some websites where I can start writing articles on demand from businesses and there are different payout models.  One site gives you a pay per article, so you get anywhere from $20-200 per article… but then another site allows you to collect the ad revenue the article brings in instead of an upfront payment.  Finally, I found another site that you have to apply for and they actually review your application and accept or reject you.  That company pays you $20 per article, and then you get a high percentage of the residual ad income from it.  Since I love to research and write, I think this is an excellent opportunity for me to do on the side.  If I do 3 articles per day, spending about an 3 hours doing so, I’d make $60 a day, $300-420 a week and that’s just from the upfront fee.  The residuals are the exciting part.  It’s one of those things that you don’t see much of when you start but the more you do it, the more you see.  Well written articles can make from $5-50 a month in ad revenue.  Let’s say you get $3 a month from each article in ad income.  You write 3 a day, 5 days a week.  That’s 60 articles a month and $180 in extra income, each article stays online for six months, so after six months, your residual income is averaging around $1,080 a month for a total of $1600 a month, from 3 hours a day.

So, I’m going to try it.  If Google lets me continue rating, I can make $1080 a month from 4 hours a day.  And I am definitely going to try the article writing thing too which would be much more interesting and fun in my opinion.  In the meantime, I’m going to continue applying for 5-10 jobs per day, and will be looking for wage jobs like barista or something casual customer service oriented, I just REALLY don’t want to wait tables.


Dating:

I am talking to several guys, but none seem to be biting.  Dating is so frustrating.  There is this one guy that I really really like, and he says he likes me and he always apologizes for not having time, but it never goes anywhere.  It reminds me of this guy I liked last year, it never went anywhere either, but it turned out he was seeing someone else the whole time. I don’t know, I am so over dating.  Anyway, I have liked him since the first time we met… a year and a half ago.  He was in a relationship, so I just waited hoping he would become single eventually, and he did.  So I’m still waiting, and I know what I should do, I should move on.
But I really really like him. UGH.

Just thinking/writing about it makes me sad.

FABULIS FLAMBOYINCE FALALA #1

David Guetta - It's The Way You Love Me (Feat. Kelly Rowland)

zach wahls on piers morgan

Zach Wahls is suddenly on every talk show it seems and he has written a book - wow. He is certainly one of the most articulate young men out there thanks to lesbian parenting ;) - he has surely used his youtube fame to make the most of it.  Piers Morgan interviews Zach:

rachel maddow pays tribute to ACTUP on 25th anniversary for changing the world

The Aids Coalition To Unleash Power (ACTUP) changed the world 25 years ago and it is likely where the term "militant homosexuals" came from.  Demanding the right to live is pretty radical I must say [/sarcasm] but in the 1980s when the President of the United States waits until over 20,000 citizens are dead before even publicly acknowledging the epidemic, what else can a dying people do but stand up for themselves while they still have breath. I applaud ACTUP and wish todays gay souls could have an ounce of the courage these folks had.  While the right wing idolizes Ronald Reagan for doing what Obama is doing under an "R" classification, he was a failure of a human for letting so many people die before even simply uttering the word 'AIDS' publicly.  The 80's were a dark time for America, where was its soul exactly? It was in ACTUP.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Mom and I get a breakthrough... finally

Today my mother and I had a breakthrough.  No, my family and I had a breakthrough.  I have had breakthroughs before and they have never panned out, but for some reason I believe this one is real.  You see, I have been writing Mom a letter… a response to a letter she wrote me a couple months ago.  I have been struggling to write this letter for about three weeks now, and it has been on my mind relentlessly.  I have had difficulty thinking about other stuff because of the letter.  So, after about ten letters, each of which I just give up, because I don’t know how to or what to say, I finally just stopped out of frustration.  I wanted to call Mom to clear some things verbally and in a way prep her for what I would say.  Our conversation resolved the two minor issues I had with her original letter.

We made an agreement that if she would be honest with me and say what she really felt, I would be trustworthy to not rind her for it.  You see in the past, I have taken my anger towards the church out on her because I wanted her to differentiate herself from them, but she never would.  I would take my anger I had for my father out towards her by saying “yall” when I really meant Dad, because I wanted her to differentiate herself from him, but she wouldn’t.  I yearned for her to validate my feelings and assure me that what the church or dad did was not her feelings, but I didn’t get the type of reaction I wanted, she just remained silent.  Now when I look back on it, I feel terrible.  She really internalized my anger to other things towards her.  She believed I was angry at her and my bitterness was taken as an attack.  So I hurt my mother, yeah I feel great about that.

That isn’t to say that she has not hurt me – the hurt has definitely been passed around.  She has nothing on my Dad though.  Life has been hard, but I am a strong person for it.  So it is what it is.  I gave on my relationship with my father years ago before I moved to Atlanta.  One night when I was out with my friend Brett, I came home around midnight.  My dad was sitting at the breakfast table crying and he asked me to come over he had something he wanted to tell me.  For the next hour and a half he proceeded to tell me that I was killing Jesus with my homosexuality.  I am not entirely sure what that meant, how I was killing a deity with my sexual orientation.  Regardless, I had to sit there out of respect for my father and listen to him denigrate me for a significant period of time and keep my mouth shut.  I let him say whatever he wanted to say while just staring at him.  At that point, I was so over his gimmicks.  I was so over his bullying.  Finally when he was finished, I said to him that I listened to everything he had to say, and I also have something to say.  I said I want to respond to him and will he listen.  For about 2-5 minutes he simply sat there, shaking, no response.  Finally he stood up and started to walk away, then turned and said “I don’t have to listen to you.  I am standing for truth.  There is no response to be made to truth and I don’t have to listen to you, and I will not.”

That was the end of my relationship with my father.  I just released him at that moment.  He failed me miserably in that moment and I couldn’t handle caring anymore.  So for the years since, I felt a need to write him a letter.  I felt the need to respond for my own sanity, because I needed closure.  So I wrote a letter, and I wrote another letter, and another one and another and another one.  I wrote more letters than I could possibly count.  I would say that it was therapeutic, but then again, I had to continually relive those feelings over and over so they compounded on me.  After a while, it got to the point where I desperately wanted closure.  I became obsessed with finishing this letter and moving on with my life.  I finally simply gave up.  It’s like that say, “let go and let god” – at that moment I don’t remember if I believed in God (I go back and forth on that).  But it was that same sentiment.  I just had to let go, so I did.  Interestingly, in a matter of no time, I had already forgiven him without even realizing it.

So this was a similar sentiment.  Mom’s letter was not mean, she hadn’t done or said anything mean to me lately, but I felt the need to respond to her letter.  I had become consumed by it.  The last time we talked, she said something along the lines of “I love you but I hate that” and “I think a demon has tricked you into thinking you are gay and it’s real to you, but it really isn’t real”.  How do you argue with someone who thinks your reality isn’t real, except to you, but not really because it’s not really real, it’s a demon, but you’re not demon possessed or anything, you just believed a demon.  Um, ok Mom thanks.  I got my Masters Degree from Georgia Institute of Technology but a “demon” tricked me into thinking I’m gay… and also tricked millions of people throughout history as well, and the scientists who say its natural, and he still hasn’t been promoted or anything, he’s still just a demon. Thanks Mom.  How do you respond to that?  “Extreme Cognitive Dissonance” is the only thing that comes to my mind.

Anyway, we spoke on the phone.  She agreed to stop holding back and would tell me her truth and I promised I would do everything I could to be sensitive to not hurt her by anything I wanted to say.  I never once wanted to hurt her, I simply wanted her to see my pain and empathize with it, but I was also letting my fear of rejection prevent me from being real with her, so I was also at fault.

After that we talked about bridge building – it’s an inside understanding.  A prophet spoke over me many years ago saying I would be a bridge builder, I would be the first to cross them and on the other side it would be lonely because people would still be afraid to cross the bridge.  It’s all true.  I knew it when he said it, and I’m living it.  Mom responds well to validation of her beliefs.  She believes in God speaking through people, God’s promises and prophesies, etc.  So we talk about that for a little while.  She explained to me that in the past when I would try to push her to consider my dilemma, it would be as if a wall went up and she would instantly go into defense mode.  She continued though that on her own terms, she has walked in her mind to the edge of an abyss, looked down and asked God for guidance.  “If my belief on this subject is wrong, please tell me, please show me. If my reading of the scriptures is not accurate, please help me see the truth.”  For the first time, it sounds to me that mother is truly willing to listen, to look at the possibility that there is a deeper truth she is not recognizing.  In her letter she even acknowledged “My beliefs are meeting with your reality and it is causing us both pain” – which was the first time she ever acknowledged that my reality is real.

She agreed that she is now willing to hear information about other interpretations of scripture, translation errors, and even science.  So the breakthroughs here are enormous.  Mom is willing to hear alternative viewpoints on scripture and what science has to say about human sexuality, she acknowledged that my reality is real, and she also made a very valid point to me about my father.  I told her about how I think he hates gay people and I explained why, but what she reminded me were that those things happened or were said before my Dads ego was beaten to a pulp – before the church split, before most of our family friends turned their backs on us, and before the economy crashed and his construction trade was no longer in demand.  And she is right – he is a different person, his ego has taken a beating, he is very soft and humble these days.  He is very down to earth these days.  And I knew that, but I didn’t give him that benefit.  She told me not to judge him on things that happened way in the past.  I have changed, she has changed, Dad has changed – we have all grown, we are all different people.  So that’s a new perspective about him also.

All in all, I feel like a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders.  I know the work is not done, but there is much less to do than I thought and there is actually hope in my heart that something good will come of age.

Christians walk out of phenomenal speech in utter shame

Dan Savage delivered an excellent speech called "Journalism on the Edge" at a National High School Journalism Convention event.  Christian students walk out of speech in obvious shame when Savage begins discussing the utter hypocrisy in using the Bible to bully gay people while ignoring everything else unfavorable in the "holy" book about how to live.  Crowds cheered in applause during key speaking points.  Savage also addresses the students walking out pointing out how different it must feel when the bullies have their excuses ripped to pieces:

Bullying is never worthy of a defense whether you are a slaveowner or a gaybasher. Thats the message and it was not much of a stretch. Any Christian today would call the bible's approval of slave-ownership bullshit - Savage made a logical parallel and this was just too much to bear for a handful of kids. Why would they be so offended by his disapproval of using the bible as a weapon to bully others? Savage defended himself and all the gay kids in high school today in a way they may not be able to do for themselves. Generally, there isnt a giant gay population in any highschool and in many, there is one or two who are out. I applaud him.

But this is the thing: times are changing and tables are turning. Is this were any other human rights issue, it would probably get really ugly and potentially bloody. However, I seriously doubt gay people have the heart for that. Bitterness? Definitely, but revenge, not likely. We dont want to harm anyone but we will defend ourselves and if that requires calling a kettle black, then in my mind, its all good. The point of journalism as I see is to question ideas through communication. These kids who walked out didnt want to hear the idea at all and were extremely disrespectful to the presenter. Had he not referred to their behavior as "pansy assed" then the only thing people would upset about is his referring to the bible's immoral set of mores as such. What they did was cowardly, and though not my words, he clearly stated that.

The message was not hurt and cannot be hurt. The message is a step in our social process of becoming a civilized species - it will happen, because it must happen. Love conquers all, and it will. Those who cannot accept it, will be outcast an in my view that is whats starting to happen. The speech is an example of that. Evolving is not always fun for everyone. It certainly hasnt been all fun for gay folks over the last 50 years, and it probably wont be fun for anti-gay folks today and into the future. Bless their hearts!

Vatican: we must unite with Muslims & Jews against gays

The Pope's representative in Britain announced plans to attempt an alliance with Muslims and Jews to persecute gay people around the world.  The Telegraph reports:

“It seems to me that, concerning the institution of marriage, and indeed the sanctity of human life, we have much in common with the position of the Jewish community, the Chief Rabbi and many of the more significant representatives of Islam.”

Speaking in London yesterday the second most senior active Catholic cleric in England and Wales, Archbishop Peter Smith, of Southwark, said there had been no “formal” contact with Jewish groups to form a united front on the subject of marriage.

Pew Research finds "broad declines" in marriage equality opposition

Just another major poll identifying what all the other polls are saying: Americans support equality for gay and lesbian folks.  In this poll, opposition to gay marriage in almost every identifiable group of people is now in the minority, with a few exceptions.  These are the polling trends since 2004:

* Total opposition has decreased to 43%

* Black opposition is now in minority at 49%

* 65+ is the only age cohort still in opposition, but only barely at 56%

* My parents cohort is now in the minority at 47% (Mom is 56, Dad is 55)

* Republicans are down 10 points from 78% to 68% - still not a mainstream American party

* Protestants still barely oppose at 56% - where Catholics stood in 2004 before dropping 12 points

* White evangelicals dropped 7 percentage points between 2004-2008, and strong opposition is actually fluctuating - the only group to change directions.  Perhaps people are leaving evangelical denominations are joining friendlier groups and this has changed the sample identifying as evangelical.

* Only 5% of non-religious folks strongly oppose same-sex marriage

Lets not forget that 47% of Americans polled support same-sex marriage now.  Other major national polls have support at 52-58% - but all polls have one thing in common, opposition is quickly declining while support is rapidly increasing.

my youtube channel & video blogging

So, I thought I should probably share my youtube channel and video blogging with you all.  This channel is not specifically focused on the same issues this blog is, but its still me, and Im still putting myself out there.  So yes, the first thing you may notice is that I am shirtless - and that will be a likely theme in the youtube videos.

I am single and ready to mingle, if Match.com cant find me a man then perhaps a shirtless youtube channel can ;) - I have no shame in my game.  Its a gay channel about my gay life and my gay opinions, so its gotta have some beefcake and besides sex sells.  Maybe people will watch my videos solely to see a shirtless guy talk.  I am not insinuating that I am attractive - beauty is in the eye(s) of the beholder.  I know that.

Anyway, in this video I discuss the difficulty of meeting good people in Atlanta, the cons of gay dating via Match.com and the woes of looking for a job with a Masters degree from a Tier One school in this shitty economy.  Enjoy:

Robert Spitzer pens letter of apology

Addressing the editor of Archives of Sexual Behavior Dr. Ken Zucker, Robert Spitzer writes a letter of apology concerning the study published in 2001 which claims highly motivated homosexuals can change their orientation to heterosexual.  Spitzer is now retracting the study and owning up to some major research flaws.  He is remorseful that anti-gay activists have misused the study to claim that people can change their sexual orientation, although the study was unable to prove so irrefutably. A portion of his letter was obtained by Truth Wins Out:

    Several months ago I told you that because of my revised view of my 2001 study of reparative therapy changing sexual orientation, I was considering writing something that would acknowledge that I now judged the major critiques of the study as largely correct. After discussing my revised view of the study with Gabriel Arana, a reporter for American Prospect, and with Malcolm Ritter, an Associated Press science writer, I decided that I had to make public my current thinking about the study. Here it is.

    Basic Research Question. From the beginning it was: “can some version of reparative therapy enable individuals to change their sexual orientation from homosexual to heterosexual?” Realizing that the study design made it impossible to answer this question, I suggested that the study could be viewed as answering the question, “how do individuals undergoing reparative therapy describe changes in sexual orientation?” – a not very interesting question.

    The Fatal Flaw in the Study – There was no way to judge the credibility of subject reports of change in sexual orientation. I offered several (unconvincing) reasons why it was reasonable to assume that the subject’s reports of change were credible and not self-deception or outright lying. But the simple fact is that there was no way to determine if the subject’s accounts of change were valid.

    I believe I owe the gay community an apology for my study making unproven claims of the efficacy of reparative therapy. I also apologize to any gay person who wasted time and energy undergoing some form of reparative therapy because they believed that I had proven that reparative therapy works with some “highly motivated” individuals.

    Robert Spitzer. M.D.

    Emeritus Professor of Psychiatry,

    Columbia University

Maddow reports on Robert Spitzer's retraction

According to Spitzer, the study is not scientific, but is simply a collection of anecdotes and testimonials. He is ashamed of the research being published in a scientific journal as to give the impression that it is empirical work when it is no more than self-reporting results under heavy influence from religious figures.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

church headlines

The Archbishop of Wales says “All life-long committed relationships deserved the welcome, pastoral care and support of the Church.":

"If the moral aim of the gospel is to encourage love of neighbours, how can that happen when people are made to feel unwanted, unloved, and sinful? How is the gospel good news for homosexuals?”

Predicting some disquiet in the denomination as a result of the speech, he said: “I don’t think he will gain universal approval and I think there are some people who will be aghast [who] will think he’s sold out to political correctness which is a nonsense. Anybody who knows Barry knows he couldn’t give a monkey’s about political correctness.”

*

Priest of Seattle's Our Lady of the Lake Catholic Church receives a standing ovation for refusal to involve church in signature gathering for initiative to repeal same-sex unions in Washington.

The parish became the sixth in Seattle to opt out of the petition drive for Referendum 74 that has been endorsed and foisted on parishes by Archbishop J. Peter Sartain.

Other parishes to shun the signature drive have includes St. James Cathedral, St. Joseph Church, St. Mary’s Church, St. Patrick Church and Christ Our Hope Catholic Church.

In several parishes, pastors have said that gathering signatures against marriage equality would, in the words of the Rev. Michael Ryan of St. James Cathedral, “prove hurtful and seriously divisive in our community.”

lost dreams...

The wedding dreams of Ohio gay teen Kenneth Weishuhn who took his life recently were expressed on his Pinterest page. So sad.

economic effects of discrimination

Charlotte businesswoman discusses the impact of anti-gay attitudes on regional and state economies, particularly that of North Carolina regarding Amendment 1 - which will strip away the few existing rights that unmarried couples currently have in an effort to hurt gay citizens.  Unfortunately, this law will affect health insurance for unmarried couples in domestic partnerships for employment spouse benefits as well as unmarried partners who are separated due to domestic violence with restraining orders.  To ignore all relationships which are not marriages will undermine the protections for thousands of couples who do not want to participate in the failed institution... that is in addition to discriminating against gay folks, and resulting in young gay talent leaving Charlotte, North Carolina.



Fortunately, in Georgia we have this thing called Atlanta, but to be honest, we still miss a lot of economic opportunities which go to big cities in socially liberal economies.  Atlanta is a pretty gay city, but its considered the best the South has to offer gays, and were talking about the South, so the bar is set pretty low.